MOCK NEWS - The IMF gets some TLC with IOUs
The International Monetary Fund has expanded beyond world domination and has finally moved into the dog-eat-dog breakfast cereal industry.
Their debut offering, Global Credit Crunch, contains bite-size pieces of actual repossessed houses, giving them, ‘the solid crunch consumers crave,’ according to IMF spokesperson Lars Orphanblood.
“You’ll eat it and like it,’ he indicated, drawing pie-charts at random and sniping baby pandas from the balcony of his villa. “During the testing phase, thirteen third-world countries agreed to sign over their entire GDP to us in return for consignments of Global Credit Crunch. Some say they just wanted to get their houses back piecemeal so as to rebuild their shattered lives but as you can see from this scatter plot I just drew on this ammunition box, it actually means something else entirely that you’ll never understand and hence doesn’t require credible explanation of any kind whatsoever.”
Mr Orphanblood went on to claim Global Credit Crunch will provide the faceless masses with more than 100% of their daily requirements of disempowerment and fear, and that the IMF will continue to export Global Credit Crunch for ‘as long as is needed to teach you bastards to like it.’
“The IMF has spent trillion on the formula for Global Credit Crunch, and we’re confident that once we convince consumers they deserve it, Credit Crunch will become an ever-present part of our daily lives.
“YOUR daily lives,” he corrected himself.
Other, less power-crazed people aren’t so sure.
“Global Credit Crunch tastes kinda manufactured and artificial,” claimed John Everyman, a recently-homeless father of three. “It says it’s produced using natural processes but it seems to me it was cooked up by a bunch of economists in a back room someplace in the Hague.”
