THE CELEBRITY LOOK by Serena Monzo

thescene — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 06:51:00 GMT

Look can I be controversial for a moment? Well I suppose controversial people wouldn’t exactly ask that question now would they?

Ok with that in mind let me for this moment in time just let fly. I want to know if anyone else is as sick and bloody tired of woman’s magazines absolutely saturated with disease-ridden people. Celebrities aren’t exactly living normal lives and with that in mind I don’t believe their diseases are either. I believe that even though their symptoms may be dangerous they all share the same problem. I call it “Anything For Attention Even If It Kills Me Syndrome” Don’t get me wrong I have complete and utter sympathy. They’re all addicted to publicity- in some cases I suppose that’s all they know, but with all due respect celebrities make up about two percent of the population (I’ll research that figure in due course) but you know what I mean. Why should young woman have to be subjected to celebrities starving themselves so that their poor tortured bodies look like they have been a victim of Auschwitz. Impressionable beautiful, intelligent young woman are looking at images every day of woman that have stripped away all the amazing features that make up the female form. Page after page of woman who should be immediately hospitalized. On the pages that aren’t dedicated to the celebration of anorexia (and it is encouraged, even if the editor will try and sell you otherwise) the pages are filled with glassy eyed, stumbling, supposedly successful people. What is the message they are trying to tell ambitious career minded woman? Get successful then end up in rehab, for rehab is the true sign of success”? “Your working so hard you had to start drinking”? “Your so rich you can afford the best drugs in town”? What isn’t communicated in these photos is the fact that these are people who are risking their lives in rehab just for the publicity- not a good career move in the real big world!

Five minutes after Nicole Ritchie ate a low fat low carb corn cob (not “corn on the cob”, just singular corn cob) she was celebrated on her fashion sense. The message being if she’s not on death’s door it’s ok, even though to this day that girl needs help. A big mother of an arrow pointing to her stomach with the caption “Is this a baby bump? “ How dare they!!!

Women are certainly dominating in the celebrity stakes at the moment. It’s just a shame that the ill ones are the most publicized, interest our society and in some cases are admired. May I start with who else but the one and only Paris Hilton (but of course) Alcohol abuse causing her to wind up in the clink.
I think we should sabotage any of her publicity. Once we all figured out she did nothing and got everything we really really should have ignored her (not that I’m doing that now though) Oh and let’s not forget about the porno- actually we probably should. Eeeeeeeeewww! That’s so NOT hot. No I don’t “love it”. How old was she when she did that 19? 22? 12?

Ah, then of course Lindsay Lohan. This young lady not only has the same initials as Liquor Land, but like the outlet, she too is full of alcohol 24/7!
A magazine showing Lindsay Lohan sober, Paris actually doing SOMETHING, Nicole Ritchie eating a decent meal all week and Kate Moss mothering her daughter would sell like hot cakes. The success of the publication I believe would out sell any other. Not since the success of Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code would we have seen a more fascinating publication.

Oh and on the topic of Kate Moss. I wonder if she pulls out the microscopic amount of self-esteem that may be in there and crushes it up, snorting it 5 minutes later like all the crap she gets her hand on. Anyone who allows themselves to knock around with a low life scum bag like Pete Doherty. That sod needs to brush his teeth at the very least. Or may be I have it wrong! Hey I’m not a doctor. Maybe it’s actually the little bitch is so desperate to be the skinniest in the room that she will do coke, become and addict, share that addiction with Doherty, and then neglect her daughter to boot! So Moss, you’d prefer spending your nights high with a messed up arsehole like that then look after that beautiful little girl? And just as side note, has anyone ever heard a good friggin Baby Shambles Song?

Finally, Ladies and Gentleman the grand finale, the attention seeker to end all attention seekers- Ladies and gentleman please welcome to the stage, give it up for Brittany Spears. There is no magazine in the world at the moment that doesn’t have an article on one aspect of her screwed up brain. From her top to her tail and I mean that literally there will be a (leg) spread featuring that freak. And oh how we love to look!

I must wrap up now but before I do here is my list of Ms Spear’s top 10:

1) How to make even the best quality clothes look like trailer trash
2) The art of leg spreads (front and back door)
3) Stop watching paint dry, Brittany’s shaving her head!
4) Go get pissed, pick up your child and thank God for the body guard
5) Oh law Shmoar! Drive with baby in front seat!
6) For a great night out remember to be seen with vomit in your hair in a men’s toilet (hey they’ve probably seen your P*##* anyway)
7) Leave babies at home, party with Paris show your P*##*
8) Don’t do anything except get pissed year after year
9) Never wear stockings without ladders
10) Frighten other passengers in First Class (but of course) with the foul odor of your feet!!!

I mean who wants to read about Joan Of Arc, Marie Curie, Condoleeza Rice, Helen Clarke, Gloria Steinam, Hilary Clinton or Helen Of Troy when you can read about a woman with the “top 10” to her credit!

Serena Monzo

The Celebrity Look

THE CELEBRITY LOOK by Serena Monzo